


Circle the Drain

by Trash



Category: Bastille (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 04:54:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15574227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trash/pseuds/Trash
Summary: Sometimes you’re too late.





	Circle the Drain

**Author's Note:**

> This is all because of http://unbluryourfacecharles.tumblr.com/post/176626314475/spooky-stille-δ this pic.

**July 2018**

“There’s different kinds of ecstasy,” Dan is saying. He sounds almost entirely sober, despite being six drinks in. The tell is the blush across his cheeks, his heavy-lidded eyes. 

Charlie raises an eyebrow. “What, like, strength or...”

“Uh, sort of. There’s one that’s more like heroin, one that’s more like coke, and one that’s somewhere in between. That’s the best one - the middle one.”

“Never done it,” Charlie says. “I’m...incredibly dull.”

“Being a junkie isn’t a personality trait,” Kyle says without making eye contact with either of them. 

“Taking E isn’t the same as being a junkie.”

“Spoken like a true junkie.”

“Hey,” Will interjects, “calm your farm, the pair of you. Dan, nobody likes a smart arse. Kyle, don’t be a goodie two shoes. And Charlie, just say no.”

“Fucking hell, we were having a chat. Not like I was peddling pills.”

“Not this time.”

“Kyle,” Will says, an unmistakable warning. 

“Fine,” Kyle says, chugging the rest of his beer and resisting the temptation to slam his glass down. “I’m calling it a night. See you in the morning, chaps.” He gets up and grabs his jacket from the back of his chair. He doesn’t look back, and nobody follows him. 

***

“I hate when he talks about that stuff so casually,” Kyle says to Woody when they’re back at the hotel. “It makes him look like a bell end.”

Woody shrugs, flicks through the TV channels. “He’s not doing it to impress anyone, you know. And if he was there’s only one person he would want to impress. And it wouldn’t be Charlie.”

Kyle freezes, just for a second, then grabs his phone. “I said I’d call Janna,” he mumbles, getting up and heading out of the room. 

***

“Just let him get on with it, babes,” Janna says, sounding bored. “Why do you care so much?”

Kyle doesn’t know. Says, “I love you,” instead. 

Janna sighs, and there’s no smile in her voice when she says, “Love you too.”

***

**May 2010**

Kyle hates coming out. He’s only done it a handful of times, but it’s never been particularly fun. The most sensible way to do it would probably be to just tell them, but there’s not really a way without seeming dramatic. And it’s not like they’d mind - Dan is bi and it’s easily the least interesting thing he’s ever said. Instead he waits until Dan is being given dating advice from Woody to do it. 

“But how do I even meet someone?” Dan moans. “I’m so...awkward. Guaranteed I’ll say or do something inappropriate and get immediately dumped.”

Woody shrugs. “Have you tried Tinder?”

“Isn’t that just for heteros?”

“Grindr? I met my ex on there. It’s not all dick pics. I mean. Mostly,” Kyle says, as casually as he can. 

Dan looks at him sideways. “You’re bi?”

“Yeah, you’re not the only queer in the village.”

“Huh,” Dan says. 

“Oh! I’ve got a great idea,” says Woody. “Why don’t you two-“

“Woods.”

“What?”

“I don’t shit where I eat,” Dan says, unlocking his phone and going to the App Store. 

Kyle laughs, hopes it doesn’t sound awkward. “Yeah,” he says, “God, Woody.”

Woody looks at him and raises an eyebrow. Rumbled, he thinks. 

***

How they end up making out is:

Kyle goes to drown his sorrows after practice and Dan tags along. And Kyle can’t say no because he’s soft, so instead they go to the pub together and start on shots straight away. 

“You never do shots,” Dan says. 

“Yeah, well,” Kyle trails off and throws back another shot. It’s apple and sour and makes his stomach churn. There’s a real moment of too much saliva in the mouth, that I’m-going-to-be-sick feeling, then it’s gone. 

“Thanks for being honest today,” Dan says, “about being bi.”

“Oh. Thanks. It’s not a big deal,” Kyle says, even though it is. The relief he feels at finally having come out is brought out by the ‘don’t shit where you eat’ comment that keeps circling his head. 

They’re both pretty drunk when Dan says he needs a smoke, and drags Kyle outside. It’s fucking freezing, and Kyle shivers when Dan lights up and exhales a line of smoke from his joint. He offers it out casually, their fingers brushing when he passes it over. 

“Can I kiss you,” Dan asks, neutrally, like he’s asking if they can get a taxi. 

“Um.”

“It’s fine if you don’t want to.”

“No. I do,” Kyle says honestly. “That’s the problem.”

Dan smiles. Hooded eyes, a blush across his cheeks. Freckles peppered across his nose. “You fancy me, Kyle?”

He should say no, should just lie. Instead he says, “Yeah. Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Dan says, taking the joint back. He pinches off the end and puts it back in his tin, tucking it away before taking Kyle’s hand and leaning in to kiss him lightly. 

He pulls back, but Kyle grabs him and kisses him again. Deeper this time. It’s messy, and their teeth bump, and it tastes like smoke and those gross apple shots, but still. Still. 

When they break away Kyle is slightly breathless, and Dan’s eyes are dark. “We. Should. I should go. Home. Alone,” he says, quietly. 

“Oh. Right. Yeah. Don’t shit where you eat, and all that.”

“Mmm. See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Kyle says, but Dan is already turning away and heading down the street. He feels stupid, and empty, and too horny to deal with this. He goes home and wants to mope, but has a wank instead. 

***

**December 2011**

Kyle pines. He tries not to, but it’s hard. Dan seems to skip dating and goes to sleeping around, indiscriminately. Kyle thinks it wouldn’t be as hard to see him in a steady relationship. 

They’re out celebrating the record deal when Dan gets wrecked and makes out with a beautiful, blonde girl in a bar. Woody catches him staring, nudges him. “Alright, mate?”

Kyle smiles sadly. “You know I’m not.”

“Yeah,” Woody says and claps him on the back. “Yeah, I know.”

***

**November 2014**

Kyle meets Janna through a friend. “Thought you were gay,” she says, straight away. 

Kyle chokes on his drink. “Uh.”

“You slept with James, right? The set designer?”

“Oh! Yeah. Great lay, messy flat.”

“Win some, lose some,” Janna says, raising her glass. “Well, cheers to that. Heard he’s got a massive knob.”

“You heard right,” Kyle says, raising his glass to touch hers. 

He walks her home from the restaurant, and she stands on her tip-toes to peck his cheek. “I don’t do it on a first date,” she says, frankly. 

Kyle laughs. “Me either, I’m a lady.”

“I have no time for your gender roles. Night, Kyle,” she says with a smile. 

And for the first time in a while, Kyle doesn’t go to bed thinking about Dan. 

***

**January 2016**

“Don’t leave me hangin’,” Dan sings. 

“This song about you?” Will asks, and Woody thumps him. “Oi, what?”

Kyle slides further down in his chair. “Fuck both of you,” he says. Even though he was thinking the same thing. Hoping the same thing, if he’s honest with himself. 

***

**February 2015**

It’s his birthday and Janna suggests they have a party, invite his friends. He almost doesn’t want to invite Dan. 

It’s out of character for Dan to not get along with someone. Not that he’s a pushover, but he’s not known for randomly disliking people. Especially not people his friends are dating. But Dan hates Janna. 

“She’s pretentious,” Dan says. 

“She’s my girlfriend,” Kyle says. “So what you think is pretty much irrelevant.”

“I’m just saying.”

“I didn’t say anything about Lucy who worked as a living artist or Vin the vegan or that circus performer, the bendy one? You’re supposed to be my friend.”

Dan looks offended. “I am your friend.”

“Then don’t be an arsehole.”

In his defence, he is nothing but polite to Janna all night. He gets incredibly drunk in the process, though, and Kyle watches him from across the room. Will sidles up, drink in hand. 

“Don’t be too cross with him,” he says, loud enough for Kyle to hear him over the music. 

“Why not? He’s acting like a child.”

“He’s jealous.”

“Of me?”

Will rolls his eyes so hard it wouldn’t be a surprise if he pulled a muscle. “No, you tool. Of Janna.”

It takes a while for Kyle to process the information and, by the time he does, Janna has materialised beside him and is kissing him. So that’s that. 

***

**November 2016**

They go out after the gig, the lot of them piling into the nearest pub which happens to be in the gay scene. Kyle signs a girl and her girlfriend’s tickets at the bar and is about to get a selfie with them both when Dan bounces up beside him, sloshing his drink down Kyle’s back. 

“That’s alcohol abuse,” Kyle laughs, but Dan either doesn’t hear or doesn’t get it. 

“I need to talk to you,” Dan yells. He’s wasted already, and Kyle doubts it’s just from alcohol. “Come here,” he says, linking their hands and dragging him away from the bar, over to the fruit machine in the corner. The flashing lights illuminate Dan’s face, make him look like he’s at his own personal rave. 

“You okay, babe?” Kyle asks, leaning in to be heard. 

“Mmm,” Dan says, slinging his arms around Kyle’s waist. 

The hug is awkward mostly because Dan isn’t very coordinated sober, so when he’s drunk it’s like someone else is controlling his limbs. Kyle laughs and puts his arms around him. Drunk Dan can be pretty cuddly, so this isn’t much of a surprise. 

When Dan shifts a bit and kisses him - that’s more of a surprise. 

Kyle pushes him back gently. “Dan.”

There’s tears in Dan’s eyes now, and he’s shaking a little. “Kyle...I made a mistake. Please. I need to...can’t we...”

This feels like a dream. “You said you don’t shit where you eat.”

“I changed my mind. Please, Kyle, I love you.”

Kyle feels sick. “Dan-“

Dan is crying now, his hands holding tightly to Kyle’s. “I know. I know. Please, Ky.”

“I’m with Janna, Dan,” Kyle says. “I waited. I waited for you to change your mind, and you didn’t. So I moved on. I...I was hurting for a long fucking time. I watched you shag your way round London and I didn’t judge you. But as soon as I started going out with Janna you started acting like a prick. So no. You don’t get to do this now.”

Kyle yanks his hands away and turns his back on Dan who calls from him, but doesn’t follow. When he’s outside it all feels like it happened to someone else, somewhere else. He texts Dick to tell him he’s going back to the hotel, and he manages to get within a street of it before he has to stop to throw up in a doorway. 

***

**August 2017**

“I want to go on the obstacle course,” Woody says from where he lies on a sun bed, looking out to sea. 

“Do it then.”

“Dick won’t let me. Says I’m no good broken.”

Kyle snorts. “Dick’s just terrified because he can’t swim, so he thinks nobody else can.”

“Dick can’t swim?”

“Nope.”

Woody laughs. “Oh, mate. This is...I’m going to rip the piss out of him for this.”

Two people stand in the surf, talking, and Kyle watches them only because they’re in his direct line of vision. It’s clearly a drug deal. Pills, probably, because Ibiza. Takes him a second to realise it’s Dan. 

He looks away as Dan walks toward him but it’s too late, they both know he knows. Dan looks down at him, face unreadable. He waves a little baggy of white pills. “Want some?”

“No. Could you move? You’re blocking the sun.”

Dan laughs, humourlessly, and walks away. 

***

**August 2018**

Dan is high, and it’s evident in the photos after the shoot. Kyle doesn’t waste his breath, but Will does. 

“You look stoned.”

“Yeah,” Dan says. 

Will sighs. “Pull yourself together, Dan. We’re all here for you if you need to talk. But this isn’t good for you.”

“Thanks, dad, but I’m fine.”

He’s not. And Kyle finds him curled up in his bunk on the tour bus later, crying silently. He sits on the floor beside him and strokes his hair, what’s left of it. 

“Please don’t.”

“I’m worried, babe. We all are.”

“I’m fine. It’s...you know what it is. I just need to...could you...get in here? Just for a minute?”

“Dan.”

“I know. I know. Just. Please. I just need a cuddle.”

And Kyle is soft. So he squashes himself into the bunk beside him, lying on his back and pulling Dan to curl against his side, head on his chest. 

“I love you,” Dan whispers. “I’m sorry I fucked it up. I’m sorry.”

Kyle doesn’t know what to say. Says, “I know,” and blinks back tears of his own.


End file.
